Never Enough and All Too Much
by samantharee
Summary: Years after Emma marries Spinner, things take a turn for the worst. A random, obviously destined, run in with Craig, puts things in perspective and most of all, into motion.
1. Chapter 1

Emma had always looked up to Craig.

Not as a big brother, but in more ways than one, like someone who looked up to a celebrity crush. They found all the good points about them enchanting. The bad points, turned moot.

It was a long time ago that she'd last seen him. If she was honest, her latest thoughts didn't center around Craig, so much as the divorce she'd gotten three weeks ago.

Spinner had been great at first. Stand-up and increadibly loving. But when he found out he couldn't have kids... Well, it took a turn from there.

Instead of being sad, he'd taken his anger out on Emma.

The memory of raised fits coming at her face had broken her down. Brought her back to when she felt less than. The days she'd discovered her eating habits, or lack there of.

No. She wouldn't go back there. Not again.

So, she'd swallowed everything back, going to the one man she knew she could trust. Her dad was the title in every way, but blood. He'd helped her seek the right person and with his help, she'd gotten the divorce he'd convinced her that would have been for the best.

She sat in a downtown Toronto coffee shop, the lighting low, the night closing in on eight.

The people one-by-one would go on the stage to sing a personal song. Most about break ups. Heartbreaks. The mistakes and coulda-shoulda-woulda's, they had formed words about.

When someone got on stage, a couple of people clapped louder, harder, more than anyone else had been clapped for. The spotlight turned back on, and Emma lost her breath.

Craig Manning put the guitar strap around his neck, adjusting the tuning and stumming down to hear the chords. Deciding they were in tune, he smiled to the people in a thank you, and walked the few short steps to the mic.

The light focused on only him, the darkness around the small audience seemed to darken that much more. She sat up straighter, seeing Craig's eyes move about the room. The moved right over her, the dark too thick for him to see her through. She had no idea if he'd see her anyway. Recognize her from the little Emma, she once-upon-a-time was.

"It's nice to get away sometimes. That's what this song's about," he spoke. His voice was the same, yet different. As if currently, he'd found a downfall. If she knew him well, she'd say it was more than likely over a girl.

He strummed again, then took a breath into the microphone, the first words coming out.

"I've sworn there were no more roads for me. So I sat right by this tree. I waited expectantly." He took a pause, looking down at his guitar as his fingers moved around the neck of it. He strummed once again, even harder and worked into a melodical rythm.

"How could I let myself go so easily? I worked all the way up, only to fall. And I've got no one to see me. The real me is screaming. Please, don't let me down. And I've asked, please, don't watch me drown. I know there's more, but I don't know my way. Please help me, just stay. Oh..." he took another breath, a short guitar break that let Emma see just how much the words meant to him. He looked ready to cry and at a short glimpse around the place, she could see everyone was completely captivated with him.

When he moved back to the mic finally, the strumming slowed. A lightness that sounded like a sadness that matched her own.

"I've sworn there were no more roads for me. So I sat here, right by this damned tree. I waited expectantly..." A last strum and everyone in the room began to clap. It was more out of respect than anything. Craig Manning was wildly known around Canada, even the States and some other countries. He'd toured around and now he was here, but why?

He nodded to the crowd as the spotlight flicked off, and he walked off the stage, shaking hands of people around the shop. He even took a picture with one of the girls in the room.

Emma held her breath as he made his way to a table to the side of the place. He put his guitar in the case and latched it up, picking it up along with a duffle bag which looked ominous. He wasn't close to home. Where was he staying? Where was he going? What had happened to him?

He started walking passed her, and she had to take a quick breath, only to hold it again.

When he glanced at her, he acted as if she were another person in the place. A quick, but sad grin and his eyes were back on the floor in front of him.

That was until he was halfway to the doors. He glanced back over his shoulder briefly, looking oddly confused. Emma raised a hand in a no motion wave making Craig, stop in place. He took a viewable big breath, then came charging at her in swift steps.

All thoughts were behind her actions as she stood, her arms out already inviting him to hug her. He bent to place his guitar and bag down, then rushed forward, his arms wrapping around her waist as he lifted her from the ground.

She had no idea what it would have been like, running into him. But if she had guessed, it wouldn't have been anything like this. Not at all.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" He asked her.

"I could ask you the same thing, Craig Manning."

Gently, he placed her back down, but his hands didn't leave her waist. She didn't mind. Not with her hands on his shoulders.

"Wow, you look..."

Emma was glad the place was dark enough that he couldn't see her blush. That crush on him had never truly left, of course. She was predictable like that. As Spinner once said.

She pushed those negative thoughts aside.

"You look...like you," she finished in a sigh. Craig smiled, not taking it the wrong way in the least. If there'd been any two people to automatically understand eachother, it had been them. Maybe that was why nothing had ever gone further than friendship between them?

"Where are you staying?" She asked him. He clicked his tongue in thought.

"Across from the Victoria, I know that."

She laughed at him. "You know what you're staying across from, but not where you're staying at?"

He laughed along with her, realizing how dumb it sounded. That's when he stepped back, his hands dropping from her.

"I guess I should probably know since I have to take a cab back."

She shrugged, narrowing her eyes up at him. He was still so tall.

"Just tell them the Victoria and walk across the street."

He laughed. "Where're you staying? Or, where do you live?"

Where did she live? She lived in a hotel room after getting all of her things from hers and Spinner's place early that evening.

"Home," she told him, since it would soon be true anyway. Tomorrow, Snake was coming with a truck to the hotel to gather her things and bring them home. Home at twenty-three. What a waste of time.

Craig, even with his stardom, thought nothing of it. "What're you up to tonight? I mean, do you wanna catch a drink? Or hang out? Talk about what eachother's been up to?"

Surreal. That's the word that would explain this whole thing perfectly.

"Yes. I really do." Even though she didn't want to talk about Spinner, she realized she didn't have to. Craig was so out of the Degrassi-loop, he wouldn't know anything, right?

Craig brightened, obviously estatic. "Great, c'mon. We can order room service. It's on my record company."

"Awesome."

Turned out, old times were one of the happiest things to talk about. Especially with what had been going on lately.

Craig had gone on tour and been perfectly fine, until a night with one girl, he let himself forget how much he'd overcome with the help of Ellie.

The girl was a model, nothing special, but it took one look at her doing coke to do him in. He snorted that line and had so-so sex, and that had been that.

He was on a two week binge of snorting before shows and snorted before tv appearences. At least he was caught before he did something stupid.

That was what lonliness did to you. Turned you against not only other people, but against yourself, most of all.

His producers suspended him. Like he was a child in school and he fully deserved it.

Telling this all to Emma made no impact on her. She didn't offer sympathy, but she didn't get angry in the least. Overall, she was completely understanding and simply let him talk it all out.

He couldn't help bringing up, Spinner. That whole marriage had seemed like some really weird joke and he still couldn't picture it. When she instantly fell into the horror story, he knew exactly why she was letting him know. He'd spilled his secrets, and now she felt more than willing to do the same. They trusted eachother on a level he couldn't understand, but didn't mind in the least.

The memory of Emma, coming to him and only him to be the one to accompany her to see her father, popped into his mind. Such a long time ago and yet, he could feel everything. The way she'd clinged to him for support. So young and fragile. Scared, but so brave.

And here she was, a woman which was obvious and plain to the eye as day, but still young and fragile. Still scared, and still so brave. He looked up to her in a way, and he let her know that.

She wiped the few tears that had fallen after telling her story. "Why's that?" She asked in a short chuckle.

"Em, not many people are able to walk away. Do you know how many women make excuses to stay? How many take the beatings because more than anything, they're afraid no one else will love them? In some sick way, they think those men care. Even with the hurtful words and the bruises to follow them..."

Emma was silent, but staring at him. Those brown eyes, so innocent, but so full of an energy. Purely life. Purely woman.

"Did you know when I was younger, I wondered if you'd ever look at me the way you did, Manny?" The name Manny, brought a sour taste to his mouth. For too long was he obsessed. More than obsessed, he'd needed to be needed. The same went for Ashley. But Emma had wanted him to be interested in her? He had to admit, he'd never looked at her that way when they were younger. She'd always been a friend. Like a best friends little sister or something.

"Yeah? Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Because Manny loved you. I couldn't do that to my best friend."

He nodded at her, admiring her that much more.

"I've always been selfish. Especially when it comes to relationships. Love." He looked out over the city lights of Toronto. They'd taken spots on the balcony. The top floor of the Merachi Hotel. Emma hadn't had a coat, so he gave her one of his old hoodies to wear.

She sighed, pushing her light blonde hair from her face. With the city lights shining on the strands, he found he wanted to reach out. To feel how soft those strands might be. However, they were old friends catching up and it was getting late. She'd probably head back soon.

He continued. "I feel like I'll never have enough of it, you know?"

She grinned into the crisp air, more at the city than at him. "You just need to find a balance. To find someone who's able to love and adore you, whom you can love and adore as well. You and I are in the same boat right now."

He kept silent, wanting her to talk more. About anything really, but the subject they were on was giving him a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"I need to find it as well. You're problem is, you can't seem to love yourself less. My problem is I can't love myself more. Kind of the same thing, right?" She finally looked at him. Her big brown eyes beckoning to his own. He swallowed hard and nodded. She must have seen something there, because she quickly looked back over the view.

"I keep meeting women who love me too much."

"That right there is selfish, don't you think?"

"How?"

"You can't possibly love someone too much."

"Yes, you can, Emma. Sometimes it can break people down. Or break them apart."

She thought about it for a moment and ended up nodding in agreement. "You're right. I loved him too much and it broke him."

Craig frowned, touching her arm. "That's not what I meant. Not at all."

"It's okay, Craig. I know I messed up. I know he messed up. I know I was too young..."

"No, Emma." He wouldn't let her bring herself down over it. Especially since he was the one to start it. Or at least, he was the one to finish it. "You're more than that. Look at what you did. You left. Sometimes, things are meant to happen to help make you stronger..."

Her cold fingers touched his hand, she was smiling. For once, he wasn't indie turned star. He wasn't labeled as a the newest and younger, less-of-an-asshole, John Mayer. For once he was Craig Manning. In the simplest of ways. He was just, Craig and she was just, Emma.

Emma was staring up at him and the whole atmosphere changed. She must have felt it too, because she was suddenly looking around like there'd magically be a clock in view. "I should get going. Snake will be there in the morning, early and I should get some sleep."

Unless she wanted to sleep there. Not with him, but he could take the other bedroom, since there was two, along with a livingroom.

"Okay," he replied to her.

Emma smiled and Craig made a point of helping her downstairs and getting the front desk to call a cab. He insisted on paying, not wanting Emma to have to, and had the cab driver take her all the way to her hotel.

When they'd hugged, he knew he was lingering, but then again, so was she.

"Let's talk soon, alright?" He didn't want to lose contact with her again. Ever. For some reason, the night had brightened him. Newly sobered from coke for only one week, and this was the first time he didn't feel so alone. The first time he felt like his old self. For the first time, he was smiling genuenly.

It didn't feel right though. Her leaving. Before falling asleep, he decided he'd take a trip back to a town he knew by heart. A town that was apart of him. A town with a school where he'd most grown up.

A school called Degrassi. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi...

Craig turned around for the fourth time, running a hand through his hair as he walked away from Emma's front door.

The last time he felt nervous was when he was called in for a meeting with his producers.

With another full breath, he turned back around and his knuckles knocked against the door before he was able to stop himself.

He was expecting Snake to answer, so he had his say-hello-to-the-dad face on. Only, it was Emma who answered.

She paused for a moment, leaving Craig to feel like he'd made a mistake, but slowly, a smile crept onto her face. She stepped aside to let him in, which he hesitantly did.

"What on earth are you doing here?" She shut the door behind her and faced him.

"I wanted to come see if I could help with anything? Unpacking or whatever?" It wasn't a complete lie at least. If she needed help, he wanted to help her.

"Um, actually, I was just putting together a salad. Spike and Snake are gone with Jack to some jazz music festival. They left this morning." Emma studied Craig, wondering what on earth would have brought him all the way back to his roots. He didn't need to be there, so why was he? "Do you want some lunch?" She wasn't going to press the issue. At least not yet.

"Uh, yeah. Actually, that'd be great."

She nodded, leading the way into the kitchen that was so familiar to her. She glanced over her shoulder, seeing the way Craig was taking in the place. As if he were having flashbacks.

Emma had to admit, she'd been up most of the night tossing and turning. For once, it wasn't over everything that happened with Spinner, but rather, everything with Craig. She hadn't expected to see him ever again, even with his promise to hang out, so it was a bit of a shock. A good shock. One that vibrated through her, making her completely aware of every nerve in her body.

"How was your night?" She asked him, picking up the knife to cut the rest of the tomatoes. Her back was to him, but she could feel his eyes on her.

"I couldn't sleep, actually."

"Me either."

"What time did you get all of your things here?" Craig eyed some of the boxes by the staircase that led down to Emma's room. He wondered how many things she'd brought back.

"Eight this morning. I've been unpacking. It's...really depressing," she said with a chuckle. It should have felt sad to say it, but since it was Craig she was saying it to... Damn. And she'd thought she'd out grown this crush. She didn't talk to Manny often, but what would she tell her if Manny were to ask what she's been doing since being back. "Oh, nothing. Just hanging out with your ex-boyfriend. The one you loved and were obsessed with while going to Degrassi." No, that wouldn't be a conversation to have. Emma decided to keep this whole Craig thing underwraps. At least for the time being.

So many things were being pushed under a rug, but it felt like the logical thing to do.

"That's what I'm here for. I'll help you get set up again and then we can...go out."

Emma stopped and turned around to look at Craig. He stared back at her in confusion. "Or we can stay in? I'm cool with either one."

She sighed and turned back around, trying to pay attention to the tomatoes that weren't being cut very well, in front of her.

"Is this a one time thing?"

"What do you mean?"

The way he asked let her know he knew exactly what it was that she meant. Still, she pressed on.

"I mean, are we hanging out tonight, you'll go back to Toronto, or L.A. and I'll never see you again?"

He was so quiet that she put her knife down and spun around to walk to the table, where he'd been sitting. Too bad that she turned around to walk right into his chest.

Craig grabbed her arms to steady her, but she instantly flinched. Her body gave a harsh sudden shake that made her gasp in a breath of air.

Great going Emma, she thought to herself.

She didn't move. Afraid if she did, Craig would bolt out the door. Instead of that happening, he slowly lifted a hand to her face to make her eyes meet his.

"Emma, it's me..."

He said it so softly that her defences rose. She didn't need to be cottled. She was a grown woman. Sure, she'd been hit a few times, but she damn well wasn't a child.

She swatted his hand away and stepped back, her back hitting the counter. "I know who you are, Craig. I'm not a little kid anymore."

"I know."

For whatever reason, she felt like making this known to him. He needed to know it and she wasn't going to hold back.

"I'm not some little sister type to take care of. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can."

"I'm a grown woman, and I need you to recognize that."

Like the night before, the air in the room changed.

As if he couldn't see she was a woman? She still thought Craig saw her as that little girl years ago, but she'd never been a little girl to him. Not really. Sure, she was small, but her mind was far past her age and she'd always been that way. She was an environmentalist with a passion for whatever she believed in. What other thirteen year old could have said the same?

It was a little risky, not knowing how she'd react, but he closed the distance between them and looked down at her. She was meeting his eyes with a stern chin and a strong glare. Her warm brown eyes weren't doing a very good job in coming off as ice cold. He snorted, pulling back so he could at least try and get himself to stop laughing.

"Craig Manning, are you seriously laughing at me?"

Yes, he was. Because she was adorable. Because they'd always had some sort of understanding between them. Because a chance meeting brought him to Emma 2.0 and all he wanted to do was kiss her.

She slapped his arm, a little harder than necessary, but he wasn't about to blame Spinner for it. Emma had always been like that.

"Ow, okay! I'm only laughing because you're trying to be mad and I'm not used to that face."

She scoffed at him, then touched his arm. "Sorry...for hitting you."

"You're just playing around," he said as he shrugged.

She sighed. "No, I wasn't."

He laughed again, pulling her into a hug. "You can be yourself, Emma. Don't let anyone take it away from you."

And before she could argue with him, or tell him she wasn't a kid, he grabbed her face and looked at her.

"I'm also fully aware you're a woman. Believe me. Alright?"

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. He smiled at her.

"As for your question. What we're doing? I honestly don't know, but I know I haven't felt this nervous or excited in a long time."

He was scared she would slap him. Or remind him how horrible he's been to other women in the past. But this was now. Yes, he had a lifetime problem with drugs, but that was his own thing.

"Me either," she admitted to him.

He glanced down at her lips, but made himself pull away from her. He wouldn't rush her and he couldn't rush himself. If anything was going to happen, he needed it to unfold without him pushing anything. If fate dealt them this card, then he'd play his hand carefully. Especially when dealing with Emma. She was a woman, but she was also extremely fragile at the moment.

After they ate, Emma led him to her room where...there weren't as many boxes as he thought there might have been.

"What about the boxes at the top of the stairs?" He asked her.

"Oh, those are filled with knick-knacks and stuff. Things that I had as a teenager that I don't need in here now. I don't know how long I'll be here, but that stuff needs to be put into a garage."

Craig stopped himself from asking if she wanted to come stay with him in Los Angeles. He'd always been the type to move fast. Kissing, falling in love, sex, drugs... He wouldn't do it this time.

"Alright, what else do you need moved?"

She looked at him and narrowed her eyes. "Craig, are you sure you wanna help me with this? I mean, you don't have to help me with this just to hang out."

"I want to help you out. I like feeling like I've done something for you. Even if it's a small something."

Emma smiled, but turned away from him before he could see whatever look that flashed in her eyes.

In the middle of putting clothes away, Craig wanted to ask what had crossed his mind during the night.

How did they come to be at the same place, the same night, the same time? He smiled at the thought.

"So, why did you go to that coffee place?"

She pulled out a sweater from a box and stared at it before tossing it to the floor. She didn't look sad or angry, but it obviously had some sort of previous owner. It didn't look so much like a woman's sweater.

"Oh, uh, Ellie. Her and I were friends for a while. She was actually supposed to be the one who picked me up this morning, but she had to go out of town for some paper's interview. She said it was a good place to think."

Craig straightened, watching Emma move about without any other thought than the one at the front of his mind.

"What about you?" She asked him then, finally looking at him and frowning.

"Ellie."

Emma froze.

"I called her after the producers suspended me. I usually call her when I need clear thinking..."

Emma looked down at her feet. "She told me the place, but I didn't go for a few days."

"It took me four days since I'd talked to her to go."

So, the place wasn't fate, but the times were? Had Ellie worked this out? He couldn't see how. She was in a relationship, but he couldn't figure Ellie setting him up with anyone. Especially Emma.

Or, had she?

Emma looked back at Craig and smiled.

"Ellie's gonna call me when she gets back, so maybe we should ask her then, what her overall plan was?"

Craig smiled back at her, wiping his hands after pulling the lamp from the last box they'd had left to do. "Yeah, we'll ask her when she gets back." 


End file.
